Dear Ian | I learn from you each day

Dear Ian,

I learn from you each day.

When you were just a spirit baby, a soaring soul in search of a place to settle; long before you were growing inside me or I held you in my arms, I was learning.  I learned patience, tenacity, faith and humility; how to give over and never give up; when to let go and when to hold on for dear life. Today, as I sit watching you nestled and cozy, I continue learning.  With each moment and each day that we share I learn from you.

There are many lessons to come I am sure – but today is about Today; about being present, in the moment.  It’s something I believe in with my entire heart. Yet it is also a challenge for me, a person always planning what needs to get done or anticipating what is yet to come.

Of course, that was the great laugh when you decided to arrive 5 weeks early! Despite planning and organizing , you arrived to teach me in a real and immediateway that life will happen and timing, well that is something we rarely have control of. I understand from you that time is not a renewable resource.  We cannot manufacturer it or put it in the bank to draw on at a later date.  But, we can TAKE time today and we must be present in that moment; or miss it forever.  So, as Gandalf said in the Lord of the Rings – “All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

And this, my little man – is the most amazing lesson you have taught me so far. How to be present and spend this time that is given us.  I notice your eyelashes as they change; drink in your smile that is just now beginning to show; hold your hand that is unclenching from your intense newborn fists.  I snuggle and breathe you in; holding that breath for a moment in my heart.  I am reminded to stay present by the way you become restless when I get distracted.

I look at the calendar and realize that almost ten weeks have come and gone since you arrived on this planet!  I panic – oh my! In rushes my anxiety about time – time that passes – too much time – not enough time; time wasted – time well spent; the wrong time and the right time … which really is now – in this moment – because this is where we are. A friend gifted me a book for my birthday two weeks ago – “Wherever you go there you are” by Jon Kabat-Zinn – which tells of paying attention – being mindful – being present.

The timing of this book could not have been more perfect!  It’s like the study guide for the real life lesson you are providing me. Thank you for this lesson – and the many more that I am sure you will show me along the way.

Love,

Mommy

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Birthdays are the perfect time to make resolutions.  We make wishes on burning candles – why not take the opportunity to committ or a promise to start new? Rather then the typical post holiday promises that we put out there on New Year’s Eve, why not make that committment on our own birthday?  After all, a new year starts for most everyone at midnite on January 1;  but for each of us, our birthdays mark the beginning of our own, unique, individual year.

For instance, I have been thinking about this new blog for a while.  I day dreamed about what it would say – I made lists of what it would be called … and finally I committed to starting it on the first day of my new year.  So, here I am we are.

I am now officially 44 …and recently returned from a journey for one good egg [http://journeyforonegoodegg.wordpress.com].  I traveled that journey for well over two years.  Now I can say, with gratitude and grace, I am a mom of an 8 week old miracle named Ian William Hawk, married to a professor and living in a small upstate New York town.

I love being outdoors and feel a deep sense of protection for our environment on behalf of the next several generations.  I feel this even more when I look into the eyes of my niece, nephews and now my own son. I enjoy gardening, hiking, kayaking, skiing, photography, cooking and writing.  The later which has brought us here.

Last night, at a birthday celebration dinner with my family, I was presented an ice-cream dessert circled with candles. After the singing came the traditional directive to “make a wish and blow out the candles.” I took that breath and held on  … Of course, I could wish for more money, more time .. world peace … but in my heart, in that moment, I realized that I have everything that I have wished for right here and right now.

The Professor, me and Ian make three -Please visit us often through these pages for perspective, humor, photographs and the occasional outburst on life’s adventures and random thoughts along the way.