A portrait of my child 29-36 | 52

I have been more than remiss at posting!  I can only say that I have been so involved with being a mom that I barely have time or energy to write about it!  In any case – to catch you up for the last several weeks, please see below – a portrait of my child once a week | every week | in 2014 .. recap of week 29-36!

 

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36 – Ian and his Jake and the Neverland Pirates pajamas.

Ian and Tomato (3)

35 – Enjoying tomatoes right from “mommy’s garden”.

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34 –  Helping with chores around the farm.

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33 – Exploring the hay maze at the Harvest Festival at Bethel Woods with cousin Hunter.

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32 – Resting from a bit of a virus.

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31 – Enjoying a hay ride at the Mr. Franklin’s farm.

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30 – Celebrating the 45th Anniversary of Woodstock in the peace sign with Mommy, Cousin Hunter and Aunt Beth !

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29 – Swimming on the deck.

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Guardian Angels

Each night, when Ian finishes his prayers, he says “Thank you for my guardian angels, Rusty, Lauren and Aunt Rita.”   Each of them occupied a place in my heart and when they were taken from this world, so was a piece of my heart, and a small void remained.  Over time I learned how to fill that void by honoring their lives, their personalities; “talking” to them when I need a special kind of guidance; and when I am lucky, visiting with them in my dreams.

I think of Rusty especially at this time of year, not only because his birthday is tomorrow, but because of the role that the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 had in his life.

Rusty did not perish on that tragic day in 2001.  As Special Forces in the US Army, he was deployed and did several tours in Iraq in the years following.  We did not lose him in active combat either.  We lost him to something much more sinister.  We lost him to the darkness that follows so many of our military; a darkness that settles within their souls.  They see things we would never want to see; sometimes they are forced or commanded to do things we do not want to know.  Their sacrifices are glorified in country western songs; but seldom acknowledged beyond designated dates on a calendar.

I miss Rusty.  It’s not like he was here all of the time; but I always knew he was somewhere.  The world changed  when he left it.

I miss Lauren and Aunt Rita too – Lauren who could always call me out with a wink and a smile; Aunt Rita with her relaxed nature and comfortable use of the term “babe.”

Ian is so lucky to have these guardians watching over him.  They were warriors; each in their own right; yet they were compassionate.  They each had  a sense of humor and sense of adventure.  They would always tell him he could do anything he set out to, and would never let him be discouraged by circumstance, age, geography or odds.  I believe they will tell him these things in some way.

On Birthdays | On Balance

I had no idea what this birthday would bring. The Professor kept suggesting that I not make plans;  so beyond taking the day off and hoping to be on the water in my kayak, I obliged. The day began with sweet whispered greetings of “Happy Birthday Mommy” from Ian; and encouragement to “get up and see what we have for you” from the Professor.

While enjoying excellent coffee I opened the birthday presents with Ian assisting and running around all excited. There were three cards. Accompanying Ian’s was a small box, a lovely locket; unique and ready for a photo. There was a larger box. It was heavy … and it came with instructions. First, I had to tear off the wrapping, then open a card, then watch a video… I told the Professor he was bizarre in his infomercial; but really I think he was too sweet. And so, what my birthday brought  on this perfect September day, was a stand up paddle board.

After cutting fresh flowers for Mom; a tradition that I cannot recall when it started; we went to breakfast and then ventured to the Lake. There was no one there – it was beautiful and amazing and I cannot believe we had it all to ourselves!  Because I was thinking I might flip a few times, I left my phone / camera in the car.IMG_0658

The key to standing up on a paddle board is balance.  That stayed with me throughout the afternoon and at some point while I was floating and absorbing the sun.  I decided it will be my theme for this, my 46th year …

BALANCE.  There are about 31 ways to define balance as a noun or a verb.  I think I will adjust the definition as needed; but in short, I will seek balance in life, love, health and time; relationships, family and friends; work and play; nature and nurture; me and everyone else…