Each night, when Ian finishes his prayers, he says “Thank you for my guardian angels, Rusty, Lauren and Aunt Rita.” Each of them occupied a place in my heart and when they were taken from this world, so was a piece of my heart, and a small void remained. Over time I learned how to fill that void by honoring their lives, their personalities; “talking” to them when I need a special kind of guidance; and when I am lucky, visiting with them in my dreams.
I think of Rusty especially at this time of year, not only because his birthday is tomorrow, but because of the role that the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 had in his life.
Rusty did not perish on that tragic day in 2001. As Special Forces in the US Army, he was deployed and did several tours in Iraq in the years following. We did not lose him in active combat either. We lost him to something much more sinister. We lost him to the darkness that follows so many of our military; a darkness that settles within their souls. They see things we would never want to see; sometimes they are forced or commanded to do things we do not want to know. Their sacrifices are glorified in country western songs; but seldom acknowledged beyond designated dates on a calendar.
I miss Rusty. It’s not like he was here all of the time; but I always knew he was somewhere. The world changed when he left it.
I miss Lauren and Aunt Rita too – Lauren who could always call me out with a wink and a smile; Aunt Rita with her relaxed nature and comfortable use of the term “babe.”
Ian is so lucky to have these guardians watching over him. They were warriors; each in their own right; yet they were compassionate. They each had a sense of humor and sense of adventure. They would always tell him he could do anything he set out to, and would never let him be discouraged by circumstance, age, geography or odds. I believe they will tell him these things in some way.
“There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature — the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after winter.” Rachel Carson, scientist, environmental activist and author of Silent Spring
I am glad to see February gone. Farewell.
I am delighted that today, March 1, is a new moon, and once again a chance to focus intentions. Not that we shouldn’t focus our intentions each day; but the new moon begins a cycle and a ceremonial way to make a new start, set a goal – much the same as New Year’s Eve.
February was hard. There was, of course, the weather. Mother Nature has surely decided to give us a stern reminder of who is in charge around here. I cannot dispute the beauty of this winter, it has surpassed any I can recall. The snow has been awesome; it reminds me of when I was a kid. But I am really ready for spring; aching for it. I am done with treacherous roads, subzero temperatures outside and achy drafts inside. The woodstove has lost its romantic appeal, I dislike it intensely. I am tired of ski season and I have cabin fever. Aside from the weather, February was just a challenge. It seems that a gray veil of stress, disappointment, worry and bad news hung over, heavy and still, refusing to shift. February was not only cold, it was lonely. Thank goodness it was short.
There is a new moon and this is my new moon writing. As Rachel Carson said, dawn follows night, spring follows winter. Mother Nature will again show us her forgiving self. In these early hours of March with a new moon, I envision good things germinating, like seeds waiting for Spring, which is with certainty on its way. They have been battered by the roughness of winter and made stronger for it. They are stretching from their slumber, reaching up and out. With some nurturing they will come to life.
I really do want to do this writing thing. Really… but how to find make the time to focus and then to commit? Is that where the saying “Just Do It” comes in? I suppose its like anything else, getting started is the hard part. But wait, I did start, didn’t I? Yes! I remember .. it was that whole blog about birthdays as the time to start something new, to set goals etc. OK, so that was … almost 9 months ago! Oh boy.
There is no one watching over my shoulder here – in fact, I think at this point I maybe have two readers. They will usually read when I send them the post. What good friends they are.
So, here goes, again –
Today is a new moon … Yesterday was a new moon and this is my new moon writing. It is my intention to give writing a fair chance as something that get to occupy time in my life. I want to do this – I will do this.